A Place Called Home
by ashes at midnight
Summary: Post 'Time Bomb' it is not easy being an Old One in a new world. A short, reflective, character driven piece focusing on Illyria.


**Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns all!**

**A/N: Illyria would have to be one of the most intriguing characters in the Buffyverse, and I have always wanted to write a fic with her as the main character. I finally thought of this short, character driven, reflective piece. It is my first attempt at really getting deep into Illyria's psyche, so please go easy on me!**

**The title of this story "A Place Called Home" is the name of a song by Kim Richey. It featured in the last scenes of the Season 5 Angel episode 'Shells' as a final homage to Fred. This song makes me cry every time I hear it, and I would definitely recommend listening to it!**

**This is set immediately post 'Time Bomb" when Illyria is at her most vulnerable. A small amount of dialogue you will recognise from 'A whole in the world'**

**If you would like to look at the banner for this story just visit my profile.**

**Read, review but most of all enjoy!**

A Place Called Home

They think they can control me. Puny humans, disgusting half-breeds! They are deluded if they think that they can best me. I am Illyria, god king of the primordium. I have commanded vast armies, ruled countless empires, whole worlds have crumpled under my feet.

I am Illyria, and I do not take kindly to weaklings.

I lie in the middle of the training room; the vampire, the leader, Angel walks up to me. His face is impassive as he offers me a hand. Rage bubbles within me. He dares to mock me, this insignificant half-breed, offering help as if I was some weak, unworthy creature! I look up at him through a curtain of blue-streaked hair, my eyes shining with rage "Touch me and die vermin" I hiss angrily, spitting the words at him in disgust.

He lowers his hand, looks me in the eye and turns away without saying anything more. I lower my head, shame and rage bubbling within my chest. To have been reduced to this state, a mere shadow of my former magnificence. I am beyond humiliated.

I take a deep breath, feeling my hollow chest expand under my leather suit. This was all wrong. Something needed to be done. I could not go on like this.

I am Illyria. I am not weak. I am strong, I AM ILLYRIA!

Groaning softly, I slowly get to my feet. I survey the room around me, my ethereal blue eyes missing nothing, my sharp nose and ears picking up anything unusual. The room is clear, the human's are gone, I can hear the half-breed and Wesley talking in the other room but I pay them no mind.

I walk out of the training room, letting the door swing shut behind me as I stalk down the hall. A scientist scuttles past, his eyes lowered and his back hunched as he hurries past me. I can smell his fear and it pleases me greatly. He has a right to fear me. I lift my head, a small imperious smile on my lips as I look around. I stalk through the building, entering the fire escape and heading down towards the labs.

I step into the lab that once belonged to Fred Burkle. The name of the shell I now inhabit. Everything is white, microscopes, beakers, a whole rack of test tubes line my vision. I walk past the white bench and down the metal steps into the lab below.

There lying proudly in the middle of the room is my sarcophagus.

I stare at it, running my palm lightly over the ancient stone tomb, my former home.

xxxxx

I have been here since the very beginning; there is not a time in this planets history that I did not exist. For over a thousand millennia I ruled this dead planet. Killing and torturing all who dared defy me. It was pleasing; I had hundreds of thousands of followers, slaves and pets. I was feared and loved, hated and worshiped.

I_ was_ Illyria.

I was invincible, a god among Old Ones, I ruled supreme. I bent and twisted time to my every whim. I travelled the astral plains; I could hear the plants whispering in my ear. I had power beyond imagine.

But I was…complacent. He was younger then I, no Old one, not by a long shot. He was strong and ambitious. I was stronger and faster, but I was curious. It had been much to long since anyone had challenged me, and I was feeling…indulgent.

I didn't expect him to put up much of a fight, but I was wrong. Even the best generals can make _one wrong move_. This was mine.

He took me by surprise, using magic's that were new and unexplored as he hid behind his followers. I was angry and tore into the demons protecting him, but before I could reach his snivelling hide he bound me.

It was the last thing I was expecting.

Screaming, I fought. I tore at the very fabric of time, but it was no use. The magic was strong, so strong that he destroyed half the world trying to tie me into that stone tomb. One minute I was fighting, enjoying myself immensely, and the next I was struggling as I was buried deep within the earth.

I do not know how long I lay inside that tomb, I think I lay there until time itself held no meaning, even to me.

At some point I felt my body shift; I was being moved, dragged out of the earth and placed inside an ancient burial ground.

I felt the shrieks of my kin deep within my being. We were all entombed in this place, me and the others that were just as old. I could feel the pull of the _deeper well_, the soft mellow whisperings of the demons around me and vowel to myself that someday, one day I would be free.

And I, Illyria would rule this rock again.

Again I lay still, my essence trapped by time and space and a great deal of magic's. Time passed and I began to feel something I had yet to experience. I began to feel old. It did not amuse me, I was eternal, I could not die.

Not when I had so many brilliant plans

When I felt my slumber finally disturbed those few months ago I could not believe it. It had been a long, long time since I had any conscious though. I awoke slowly, digging my tentacles into every space they could reach, my mind expanded, blinking back into existence, seeking….knowing.

I wanted to know about this shiny new world

I heard the whisperings of the filth around me, human's… puny being's, tiny…they would tremble at my feet. They would cower before me. I would make sure of it.

"Whoa, what's this" a voice had asked above me, it was male, his harsh scent burning my nose. I felt his body move as he ran his hand over my home. His touch was loving, gentle. I shivered under his palm. Interesting.

I knew then, he would be my pet. My Qwa'ha Xahn. My guide in this new world.

Another voice answered. Hard and cold "Delivery"

"Ancient Relics is two floors down" the voice murmurs again

"Invoice reads: Science department, Winifred Burkle" I hear a pair of footsteps walk away.

"Er…don't you need to sign" the Qwa'ha Xahn asks again

"Been signed" the other man calls from a few feet away.

"Ok" the answer is soft.

As the door closes I hear the man move away, soft shuffles of fabric, and the steady beat of a heart. I tilt my head, thinking and analysing the words I had just heard. _Winifred Burkle_, I think to myself. What strange names the human's of this world now have.

The room grows silent again. I become impatient. Eternity is a long time to wait, and I am anxious to rule again. To feel the bones of my enemies crush beneath my feet, feel their blood run down down my chin.

I wish to be free.

After a short time I hear another pair of footsteps, softer, a woman. She smells fresh. I hear her muttering to herself. "Ok, lets find out what you are" she steps towards me, her hand runs over the sarcophagus and I sense her moving forward. I bide my time. Her hand touches my crystals and I hear her write a few things on her notebook.

She leans closer again; and a soft whiff of lavender shampoo fills my senses. It's time again to rule.

With a quick burst of strength, the most strength I have trapped into during my time in this infernal prison, I let the iris at the top of the tomb open. Briefly I see/feel her looking down at me, with no time to react I push all my energy forward, out of the sarcophagus and into her face. Her hair whips around me as I enter her body through her nose and mouth.

At last, I am free.

She is small, her shell no match for my power. I can feel how weak she is, how tiny, and I worry slightly. But her mind, oh…her mind is enough to rival my own. Equations and numbers flow past in rabid succession as I touch the back of her brain and start to anchor my essence to her form.

Knowledge of physics and space, of time and molecules, fill my mind. I marvel at the knowledge held by this mere human, of the thoughts and ideas that fill her waking thoughts. I see her theory's of evolution, of travelling through portals, of molecular manipulation.

I am in awe; with this mind I could manipulate the galaxy. Maybe this earth could be my stepping stone to the planets beyond.

But her form is worrying, she is weak.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine" a voice calls from a distance

"You make me happy…" I feel her sing happily. I twist and claw in anger. Digging my tentacles into her stomach and digging in deep. She cries out, I feel her body shudder and fall.

She will be mine

Body and soul. This insignificant human is no match for me. I will hollow her out, and when she is dead I will be able to fully take her form, bending it to my will hardening her shell to my armour-like skin, turning her, until she echoed my true form as much as she could.

I feel her body being moved and shift restlessly, not long to go now. I begin to quieten, biding my time as I lay in wait.

xxxxx

It's getting darker now; I can feel her mind starting to go. Her organs are failing and I know my time is almost here. I can sense more around me now; hear from her ears, see from her eyes. Right now her eyes are closed, sleeping, her breathing still regular.

Slowly I feel her stir, and I let her. I am curious as to how she will react now, knowing her demise is close, knowing that I am so much stronger then she is. Will she fight when the time comes for me to at last rule again?

Her eyes flicker open, and through her mind I see a tall, male human sitting at her feet, an ancient book in his hand. His face is scruffy and full of hair, the scent coming from him is musky and sweet, full of the scent of old books, the metallic tang of the metal at his belt, and the scent of salty tears. _Wesley_ I pulled the name from her mind, his name was Wesley.

He turns his head and smiles at her/me "Hey" he whispers "Your awake, you dozed off…I didn't wake you did I"

"No, I need you to keep me here" she takes a deep breath, her lungs shift painfully as her skin is starting to form into a hardened shell.

"Angel and Spike are on their way to finding your cure, and I shouldn't like to be the thing standing in their way" his voice has the barest hint of a smile.

Cure? This amuses me greatly. There is no cure for my essence, the soul inside this shell will die, go to the place it is that humans go to. There is no cure.

"And book man?" she asks quietly

He smiled painfully "Book man came through, I think I gave them everything they needed." His voice is confident

Suddenly I feel her start to panic, her heart starts pounding in her chest and she sit's up "Feigenbaum" she whispers in a panic. I smile to myself, feeling her brain start to shrivel and shift. Not long now.

"What?" Wesley blinks in surprise

"Where is he, he should be here!"

"Who is Feigenbaum?" the man asks

She sniffled and sobs "I, I can't remember" she wails in sorrow. The man sooths her quickly and scoots across the bed to take her in his arms. I feel his body around hers, soft against the hardening flesh of the shell. It is a strange feeling; I wish to break his arms. It would amuse me greatly.

"Could you read to me?" she asks quietly "Just for a little bit?"

He looks over at the book on the side of the bed I read the words _'The Dreadhost's Compendium of Immortal Leeches' _

"Can that be any book in the world?" she whispers quietly against his shoulder

"Name one" he whispers

She smiles, the title of the book that flows over her tongue sounds strange to my ears, but I can feel the happiness this brings to her.

The man smiles indulgently, and opens the book. He leans back against the headboard, pulling her against his chest. He begins to read softly and the shell closes her eyes "She was such a little girl that one did not expect to see such a look on her small face. It would have been an old look for a child of twelve, and Sara Crewe was only seven. The fact was, however, that she was always dreaming and thinking odd things and could not herself remember any time when she had not been thinking things about grown-up people and the world they belonged to. She felt as if she had lived a long, long time."

After a time Wesley fall's silent and Fred looked up at him, she was beginning to worry now; I could feel it in her body. She was tense and scared. "Why did we go there?" she whispered "Why did we think we could beat it? Its evil, Wesley. It's bigger then anything"

He leans in close "I don't believe that" he whispers quiet, raising his hand and touching her cheek.

"I can't, I can't leave you now. I can't leave you now" she whispered "You won't leave will you?"

"I will never leave you" he whispered, his voice thick with feeling

She leans back, exhausted and looks up at him "My…boy's save me from the monsters" she whispered. Wesley takes her hand and blinks back tears "I… walk with heroes, think about that…" she murmurs rubbing Wesley's arm soothingly

He chokes back tears "You are one" he told her fiercely.

"Superhero" she whispers "I wont let them take me! Not me" her breathing starts to become laboured and she starts to pant

"That's right" Wesley whispers defiantly

"Not me…" she murmurs

When the time finally comes I know she is surprised. She gasps, screaming in pain, her whole body convulsing. She starts to shake and shudder as I feel my essence becoming stronger. I smile to myself as I seep into every fiber, every molecule of her being. She throws the man across the room and falls off the bed.

Soon...soon.

I feel her mind start to go, she feels around herself, trying to hold on. But I am stronger then she is. With a small grunt of effort I fit myself into her body, pushing her soul out.

I feel her leave, a soft golden presence that flickers in defiance as it goes into the beyond.

The shell becomes limp, and I realise I'm lying on the floor. For the first time I open my new pair of eyes and look around, it is different being in control, I can see more clearly. There are many different colours. I hear a groan from the other side of the room and very slowly get to my feet.

I look across the room, seeing Wesley looking at me in horror. I look down spreading the shells arm out, turning my palm over and inspecting my new home.

"This will do" I smile in satisfaction

xxxxx

I pull my hand away from the sarcophagus, twisting my hand and curling my lip in disgust. Turning away quickly I walk back out of the lab, stalking through the building until I reach Wesley's office. I enter the room without knocking, standing imperiously in the middle of the room.

He looks up at me through blood-shot, red eyes. Books and stacks of paper all around him, a half empty glass of scotch by his elbow. "What do you want Illyria?" he asks quietly

I cock my head, curious "How do you stand it?" I ask quietly

"What?" he asks confused

"Being this, this shell, being human" I ask. I couldn't stand being so…weak, feeling so inadequate after the supreme being that I had been.

He blinks in surprise "I cope" he murmurs before ducking his head and starting to read again.

I frown at that "I do not like it" I tell him

He looks up at me again, his eyes hard as they look deep into my own. I know he wishes to still see Fred, instead of just her shell. "Well, your in luck aren't you" he almost growled at me "You have the rest of eternity to_ get _used to it" his eyes flash and he grabs his drink and drains the rest of his glass before slamming the empty glass back on the table, getting up and stalking out of the room.

I glare at his retreating form, unable to think of anything to say.

I _am_ Illyria

Whoever that is now…

**A/N: Well what do you think about this one? I've just been reading Angel: After the Fall and I've loved learning more about Illyria. As a result I really wanted to do something with Illyria, get into her head and explore her issues of being an old one, and not having all of her powers any more.**

**I hope you all enjoyed this. Please review and tell me what you think of this.**

**xoxo**

**Lia**


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